To All The Boys I Thought I Loved…

To the young boy I have a crushed during my childhood, thank you…

Thank you for being my childhood memories, thank you for teaching me that sometimes love is really that naive. I’m sorry that I mistook what I felt about you as true love, now I know it’s just a mere crush.

To the first boy that hold my hand, thank you…

Thank you for teaching me that physical touch is just a mere physical touch sometimes, nothing more than that. I’m sorry that I thought my feelings is enough to hold on to you, now I know that it’s not that simple.

To the first guy that I introduced to my parents, thank you…

Thank you for being the first guy that let me know what I want in life and what I want in relationship. I’m sorry that you aren’t any of those things that I want.

To the guy I have spent a whole year worth of time to meet for the first time, thank you…

Thank you for being the cruelest person I’ve known in my whole life, leading me blindly, making me believe that you are in love with me but have no desire to fight for what could be. I’m sorry that I make you choose it’s all or nothing, because I’m not gonna settle for less than ‘All’ 

To the guys who said they want me, thank you…

Thank you for telling me that, but no, thank you. I’m sorry that I choose to be alone rather than be wanted for a night and be treated like shit the rest of the time. 

To all the boys I thought I’ve loved, thank you…

Thank you for showing me that love is not as simple as what people says. For that now I know what I want in love and in life, and I guess all I want to say is that…

I’m sorry I was not a strong enough girl to know what I want.

I’m sorry I was not a weak enough girl to bow down to all your wants.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to tell you how I’m feeling. 

I’m sorry that I want more than what you had to offer.

But mostly I’m sorry that after all the sorrys I’ve said and written, what I’m sorry the most is the fact that after everything, I’m not sorry at all… not for my decisions to leave you guys behind in the past. For I know, I shouldn’t settle for a mediocre love. 

So, while waiting for my future to come, here I will be…

Simply, comfortably in love… 
The Blue Hair Girl

 

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