Look, how peaceful is he sleeping next to you.

The steady calm breath that makes you feel secure. The thin lips that will kiss you the moment he wakes up. You traced the lining of his jaw while he’s fast asleep, comfortable beside you. Sighing at your touch while still asleep, the both of you are so comfortable being naked next to each other feels so natural and freeing.

The flawed skin from hours and hours working under the sun, walking to and from work everyday. All the evidence of him aging while loving you wholeheartedly, and you don’t mind the thin lines appearing on his face just like he doesn’t mind the curves of your stomach and hips. To be honest, you actually love those lines.


And then, he opened his eyes slowly, smiling sleepily towards me.

“Bonjour, mon amour! What are you up to now?” he murmured sleepily…

“Memorizing every lines on your face.” I replied smiling…

“What for?” he asked again with a thick French accent, confused…

“For as the more lines appear in your face, I will love you more and more. Je suis fou de toi…”

—- t.b.h.g

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A Hundred “I Miss You”s

A Hundred “I Miss You”s

I told the sky that “I miss you”, and the sky went gloomy with me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the wind that “I miss you”, and the wind went cold with me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the earth that “I miss you”, and the earth turned dry with me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the birds that “I miss you”, and the birds sang a sad song for me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the leafs that “I miss you”, and the leaves turned red to distract me with it’s beauty…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the rain that “I miss you”, and the rain fell harder to cry with me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the sea that “I miss you”, and the waves dies down in silence for me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the mountains that “I miss you”, and they console me with their stillness…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the cup of coffee that “I miss you”, and it kept me awake during those days I miss you too much I don’t want to get out of bed…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the walls that “I miss you”, and they bear witness my loneliness…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the books that “I miss you”, and they did their best to entertain me with the stories written in them…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the pen that”I miss you”, and the pen told me to write my words…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the empty pages of my diary that “I miss you”, and they stay still as I wrote my misery…

I miss you… I miss you…

Every single particle on my body screams it…

I miss you… I miss you…

Every single fibre of my being exudes it…

I miss you… I miss you…

A hundred “I miss you”s have been said every single day since I know you…

I told everyone I miss you… and they told me to tell you…

I told everything I miss you… and they echoed my words to me…

I miss you… I miss you… I miss you…

I told the sun that “I miss you”, and the sun shine brightly to cheer me up…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the moon that “I miss you”, and the moon dimmed his light to let me sleep and dream of you…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the dog that “I miss you”, and he whimper to agree with me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the goldfish that “I miss you”, and she stares back at me who are staring mindlessly thinking of you…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the cat that “I miss you”, and the fat furball purr lazily to answer me…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the flowers that “I miss you”, and they wilted as they misses you too…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the water in my glass that “I miss you”, and the surface stayed calm as I circled my fingers on the brim of the glass…

I miss you… I miss you…

and my eyes watered a little when I said to myself that “I miss you” for the hundredth times as another day went by…

I miss you… I miss you… I miss you…

I told the pillow that “I miss you”, and it told me to sleep so you’ll appear in my dream…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the blanket that “I miss you”, and it kept me warm as I met you in my dreams…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told a stranger that “I miss you”, and he smiled and told me to be missed by a girl like me is a blessing, but sadly you don’t realised that or rather you don’t know yet…

and I miss you… I miss you…

I told the bartender that “I miss you”, and he shook his head as I gulped down my drink in sorrow…

I miss you… I miss you…

I told the clock that “I miss you”, and the time goes by in silence…

I miss you… I miss you…

and as I stared at our pictures at night, I keep repeating to myself that “I miss you”

I miss you… I miss you…

and my best friend told me that I sleep-talked, and the only thing that I said is that “I miss you”…

and I miss you… I miss you…

As I took another breath, I miss you…

As I cleared out all my thoughts, I miss you…

As I closed my eyes, I miss you…

And for the umpteenth times, I miss you… I miss you…

—- t.b.h.g


Challenging myself to pass the time for the countless times, while missing someone that is so far away from me. Someone who is in a different timezone, different continent. There’s a hundred “I Miss You” in this post, hopefully these “I Miss You” reach my tall french man who is seven thousands miles away from me.

Hopefully my words relate to those who are in the same positions as me, hopefully these words written can make the one you are missing realised that you are missing them and hopefully, I wish, that they reciprocate your feeling.

Tu Me Manques – You are missing from me…

Till the next time I get to see you again, I’ll be…

Simply, comfortably in love with you…

The Blue Hair Girl

There’s No “IF”

She was awake at 3am in the dawn, nothing strange to her…

Her mind’s full with questions, nothing foreign to her either…

Ever since he left her in the dark rainy night, sleepless night and mind full of questions were her old friends…

She remembered the night she practically begged him to stay,  a sharp pain to her heart…

A friend once said, ” Begging for love is the lowest form of loving, because you love and love until you lose yourself.”

The words echoed in her mind, and night after night, she beat herself up for begging.

In all those sleepless nights, she often questioned herself why…

She questioned all the what ifs, and often times find herself confused even more at the end of her thoughts…

And one sleepless night, she finally realized…

He never loved her at all, not even the slightest…

She finally realized…

There’s no “IF”…

-t.b.h.g

A Letter To My Best Friend, The Bride-To-Be…

A Letter To My Best Friend, The Bride-To-Be…

Dear My Best Friend,

Congratulations for the upcoming wedding! As I was writing this letter at 3am in the morning, because I can’t sleep being excited that you are getting engaged and married soon, I can’t help being happy, excited and sad at the same time.

You are starting your wedding planning now, and be rest assured that I will be there beside you every step of the way. We will have fun deciding the theme, colours for the wedding, picking out dresses and flowers, arranging the day, maybe you’ll cry along the way because of the stress that you can’t decide on the cake, maybe I’ll be the one who cry seeing how beautiful you are in many wedding dresses that you try on, and cry even harder than your mom the moment we found “the dress”. Don’t worry babe, we will go through it all together I promise, and I promise we will laugh about it in the end during our scheduled teatimes with our children in the future.

The first time I met you at our volunteer work, the only thing that crossed my mind was “I wanna slap this girl” but then you approached me and tell me to stay the night instead of going home and coming back the next day, even though you are sharp-mouthed but I know I was drawn to you and I feel how similar we are in being as real as we possibly can be. That moment I knew, I found someone much more important than any lovers I could find in the future.  The only person that I know will stay in my life forever, and now it has been 9 years after that first encounter, and yet it is proven to be true, you are still here in my life, no matter how we fight, how we argue, how we always point out each other mistake bluntly, our friendship stays strong and going stronger throughout the years. Sometimes people can’t handle us, some even worse, they thought we are lesbians. #friendshipsgoals

We are there for each other for the many mistakes we made, for all the heartbreaks and drunk nights after the heartbreaks. Remember the night you scold me after I almost crash the wedding of that ex of mine? The many other times I scold you for crying for some worthless ex of yours? We always says that maybe that’s why we are separated in two cities by God, we are too overprotective of each other, we won’t be able to approve each other’s boyfriend. 9 years of friendship and we are still talking like we don’t mature with time, still do some crazy things, still covering each other’s asses, still doing ‘our crime’ together.

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Funny isn’t it? How our friendship works? We are two very different people. You wear sexy clothes, and I wear comfortable one most of the times. You like make up and I don’t like makeup at all. I read all kinds of books and you will only read several that I recommend to you. I write and you don’t. You always have guys falling on their toes, and I am comfortably witnessing all the stupid things that they did just to get your attentions. I like to eat so much and you are the Diet Guru, although it’s always fail because every time we hang out, you somehow order as much food as I am. HAHA!

Hey remember the time we fight that we almost really push each other off, and I was miserable the whole day, and you were mad the whole time, and we just hug it off and cry it off and voila! We are fine again no matter how much we shouted at each other in the morning. Do you remember how we almost got into a fight with your ex in the mall? Well it didn’t happened even though I wished for it so much, because you pull me to leave.  I’m still pissed off to this day about it. There’s a lot of many other things that we do to pissed each other off and somehow no matter how annoyed we are with each other, we always come back together and grew stronger out of it.

You are getting married soon, and baby, here I am, happy, excited and sad all at the same time. Happy that after so many heartbreak that we went through together, you finally found your person, someone that you can depend on, someone that you can call “home”, and I know that this person is the one for you, after all the many things we do to be sure of it. HAHA!

Here I am, so excited that I can’t sleep at 3 am in the morning because of the many things that going to happen in your life. You will reach another milestone in your life, and all the fun wedding planning we will be doing in the next few months. Not only that, but I am also excited that even though you are getting married, I know we will still do so many stupid things together, and not only that I know we will pull your hubby-to-be to be a part of those things too. No matter who will we marry, we are still the “dumb and dumber” to each other’s. Doing all the stupid things we always do still no matter how old we are.

And yet I am sad that after you get married, I will need to share you with your husband, but don’t worry babe, I know you will make time for me. 😉

Last but the most important, I write this at 3 am, to wish you the very best, my sister from another set of parents.

I wish you all the wisdom to be a good wife to your husband. I wish you be bestowed with all the grace to go through all the obstacles that you will face in your marriage as you grow with it. I wish you the patience to be the mother of all your children in the future. I wish you a good sense of humour, that you find something worthy to laugh for in everything that happened in the future, be it bad and good.

I wish you the humility to admit your wrongs to your husband and the generosity to forgive him the one mistake he makes and the good memory to remember all the thing he did right instead. I wish you the confidence that you guys love each other and no matter what happened you will have the modesty to go through it all together and grow stronger when you come out of it. And finally I wish you love, so much love that you guys fight for no matter what happened, no matter it is 3 years ahead of later when you guys are white-haired and wrinkled.

Lastly, I wish that both of you are…

Simply, comfortably in love with each other.

Sincerely Yours

The Blue Hair Girl.

I’m learning to love the sound of my own foot steps, walking away from the things that doesn’t make me happy with my life. 
Here I am, content and happy, regardless of whether you will come back to my life. 
#throwback to a fun time with my #ParisienGirls @inapina94, @mia_shingler at #centrepompidou, #paris 
#vscocam #lumix #panasonic #europetrip #bluehairfoodie #wanderlust #wanderlusttrip #paristrip2017 #travelphotography #girl #travel #thediscoverer #museum #parisbyday #tumblrphotography #tumblr #tumblrgirl

View on Path

Everything I’ve Learned About Loving Someone…

“What is love?” he asked, snuggled with her in the corner of the dark grey sofa, while one of the episode of their favourite TV shows are on the screen of their plasma TV. No one is paying attention to the TV, she was snoozing off after a tiring day, and he was enjoying the feeling of her body cuddled up to his chest. The orange flame is dancing in the other corner, the smell of burning cedar wood filled the air that cold autumn night. Pumpkin spice aroma soon replaced the cedar when they heard the loud sound the oven made.

She jumped out of the comfort of the snuggles, much to her reluctance, and rush to the kitchen, slowly pulling out the round pumpkin pie from the oven while blowing air from her mouth as if it’s going to cool down the pastry she held in her hands. He slowly approach her, whose standing at the kitchen counter.

“Earth to you baby!” he hug her from behind, while whispering naughtily in her right ear.

She giggled asking to be spared, which he happily obliged while pretending to be reluctant. The mood have gotten heavier, the air suddenly feel like it has drop a few degrees even though they are standing near the still-heated oven which are in the process of cooling down.

“What is love?” he repeated the question.

She smiled her serene smile, and think to herself while she was enveloped in his arms, warmed and loved.

“This is love.” She answered while waving her hands in the air. “You, pumpkin pie, me, in our home, warmed and comfy, as simple and as complicated as that.”

She paused and smile while he was looking at her, unconvinced.

“Love is the everyday morning kiss you gave me to wake me up, love is the movie night date every Thursday, love is the way you hug me and kiss my forehead every single time you come home and find me in the kitchen, love is the way I annoyed you when you work too much and forget to cuddle me, love is when you are annoyed that I put too much spice in my food and you can’t steal a bite from mine.”

He was laughing at her answers, but she continued her answer.

“It’s not all, love is when you and I fight and you always want to talk it out until we cleared out everything, love is when you told me how you feel when I do something wrong or you don’t like, love is when you cry in front of me and not attempting to wipe your tears, love is when I cry and instead of ignoring me, you hug me until I stop crying even though I might be crying because we’re fighting, and you were actually still pissed off at me. Love is when you do what you promised to do, and I appreciate you for it. Love is when you asked me questions knowing that I’m snoozing off and you are okay with not getting an answer right away.” She winked at him, making him throw his head back in laughter.

“Love is all the things you do that annoyed me, and all the things I always do that I know annoyed you while you pretend that you are not.  Love is all the consistent thing you always do and makes me think you are sexy as hell, love is the way you love me and it teaches me how to love you back, love is all the things I mentioned  and at the very center part of it, love is you…”

 

– A part of a reality that have not yet happened.
—- t.b.h.g