A Fearless Year…

A Fearless Year…

2017…

The year I decided enough is enough, and the year I decided to go on adventures alone to a stranger land far away.

The year I decided to go all across the globe to meet the one, and yet another heartbreak happened.

The year I finally decided that my heart really needs a break, and finally found myself again in the midst of ancient Paris, lost and wandering yet I found myself again.

The year where I decided to stay quiet no more when it is time to speak up, and many people think I’ve changed when in truth I just stopped being quiet about the things that matter to me.

The year I get to finally see how fearless I’ve become.

The year I found back my self-love, attempt self-healing, and reach another milestone on my self-actualization.

The year I finally let go and fulfill half of my bucket list, and add a few to my list.

People always do a new year resolutions, but let’s face it, only a few really actually act on their new year resolutions, so here I am not to say anything about 2018 but to just keep going, to keep upgrading myself in the minutes, in the hours, and in the days to come. To keep being fearless, and to keep aiming high on my goals. To stay in love with myself and to stay in love with life.

2018 will be a year of hecticness with a few important weddings while deciding on a very big decisions I have to made, and I’ll keep going on while

simply, comfortably in love…

 

The Blue Hair Girl

 

 

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A Letter To My Best Friend, The Bride-To-Be…

A Letter To My Best Friend, The Bride-To-Be…

Dear My Best Friend,

Congratulations for the upcoming wedding! As I was writing this letter at 3am in the morning, because I can’t sleep being excited that you are getting engaged and married soon, I can’t help being happy, excited and sad at the same time.

You are starting your wedding planning now, and be rest assured that I will be there beside you every step of the way. We will have fun deciding the theme, colours for the wedding, picking out dresses and flowers, arranging the day, maybe you’ll cry along the way because of the stress that you can’t decide on the cake, maybe I’ll be the one who cry seeing how beautiful you are in many wedding dresses that you try on, and cry even harder than your mom the moment we found “the dress”. Don’t worry babe, we will go through it all together I promise, and I promise we will laugh about it in the end during our scheduled teatimes with our children in the future.

The first time I met you at our volunteer work, the only thing that crossed my mind was “I wanna slap this girl” but then you approached me and tell me to stay the night instead of going home and coming back the next day, even though you are sharp-mouthed but I know I was drawn to you and I feel how similar we are in being as real as we possibly can be. That moment I knew, I found someone much more important than any lovers I could find in the future.  The only person that I know will stay in my life forever, and now it has been 9 years after that first encounter, and yet it is proven to be true, you are still here in my life, no matter how we fight, how we argue, how we always point out each other mistake bluntly, our friendship stays strong and going stronger throughout the years. Sometimes people can’t handle us, some even worse, they thought we are lesbians. #friendshipsgoals

We are there for each other for the many mistakes we made, for all the heartbreaks and drunk nights after the heartbreaks. Remember the night you scold me after I almost crash the wedding of that ex of mine? The many other times I scold you for crying for some worthless ex of yours? We always says that maybe that’s why we are separated in two cities by God, we are too overprotective of each other, we won’t be able to approve each other’s boyfriend. 9 years of friendship and we are still talking like we don’t mature with time, still do some crazy things, still covering each other’s asses, still doing ‘our crime’ together.

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Funny isn’t it? How our friendship works? We are two very different people. You wear sexy clothes, and I wear comfortable one most of the times. You like make up and I don’t like makeup at all. I read all kinds of books and you will only read several that I recommend to you. I write and you don’t. You always have guys falling on their toes, and I am comfortably witnessing all the stupid things that they did just to get your attentions. I like to eat so much and you are the Diet Guru, although it’s always fail because every time we hang out, you somehow order as much food as I am. HAHA!

Hey remember the time we fight that we almost really push each other off, and I was miserable the whole day, and you were mad the whole time, and we just hug it off and cry it off and voila! We are fine again no matter how much we shouted at each other in the morning. Do you remember how we almost got into a fight with your ex in the mall? Well it didn’t happened even though I wished for it so much, because you pull me to leave.  I’m still pissed off to this day about it. There’s a lot of many other things that we do to pissed each other off and somehow no matter how annoyed we are with each other, we always come back together and grew stronger out of it.

You are getting married soon, and baby, here I am, happy, excited and sad all at the same time. Happy that after so many heartbreak that we went through together, you finally found your person, someone that you can depend on, someone that you can call “home”, and I know that this person is the one for you, after all the many things we do to be sure of it. HAHA!

Here I am, so excited that I can’t sleep at 3 am in the morning because of the many things that going to happen in your life. You will reach another milestone in your life, and all the fun wedding planning we will be doing in the next few months. Not only that, but I am also excited that even though you are getting married, I know we will still do so many stupid things together, and not only that I know we will pull your hubby-to-be to be a part of those things too. No matter who will we marry, we are still the “dumb and dumber” to each other’s. Doing all the stupid things we always do still no matter how old we are.

And yet I am sad that after you get married, I will need to share you with your husband, but don’t worry babe, I know you will make time for me. 😉

Last but the most important, I write this at 3 am, to wish you the very best, my sister from another set of parents.

I wish you all the wisdom to be a good wife to your husband. I wish you be bestowed with all the grace to go through all the obstacles that you will face in your marriage as you grow with it. I wish you the patience to be the mother of all your children in the future. I wish you a good sense of humour, that you find something worthy to laugh for in everything that happened in the future, be it bad and good.

I wish you the humility to admit your wrongs to your husband and the generosity to forgive him the one mistake he makes and the good memory to remember all the thing he did right instead. I wish you the confidence that you guys love each other and no matter what happened you will have the modesty to go through it all together and grow stronger when you come out of it. And finally I wish you love, so much love that you guys fight for no matter what happened, no matter it is 3 years ahead of later when you guys are white-haired and wrinkled.

Lastly, I wish that both of you are…

Simply, comfortably in love with each other.

Sincerely Yours

The Blue Hair Girl.

Everything I’ve Learned About Loving Someone…

“What is love?” he asked, snuggled with her in the corner of the dark grey sofa, while one of the episode of their favourite TV shows are on the screen of their plasma TV. No one is paying attention to the TV, she was snoozing off after a tiring day, and he was enjoying the feeling of her body cuddled up to his chest. The orange flame is dancing in the other corner, the smell of burning cedar wood filled the air that cold autumn night. Pumpkin spice aroma soon replaced the cedar when they heard the loud sound the oven made.

She jumped out of the comfort of the snuggles, much to her reluctance, and rush to the kitchen, slowly pulling out the round pumpkin pie from the oven while blowing air from her mouth as if it’s going to cool down the pastry she held in her hands. He slowly approach her, whose standing at the kitchen counter.

“Earth to you baby!” he hug her from behind, while whispering naughtily in her right ear.

She giggled asking to be spared, which he happily obliged while pretending to be reluctant. The mood have gotten heavier, the air suddenly feel like it has drop a few degrees even though they are standing near the still-heated oven which are in the process of cooling down.

“What is love?” he repeated the question.

She smiled her serene smile, and think to herself while she was enveloped in his arms, warmed and loved.

“This is love.” She answered while waving her hands in the air. “You, pumpkin pie, me, in our home, warmed and comfy, as simple and as complicated as that.”

She paused and smile while he was looking at her, unconvinced.

“Love is the everyday morning kiss you gave me to wake me up, love is the movie night date every Thursday, love is the way you hug me and kiss my forehead every single time you come home and find me in the kitchen, love is the way I annoyed you when you work too much and forget to cuddle me, love is when you are annoyed that I put too much spice in my food and you can’t steal a bite from mine.”

He was laughing at her answers, but she continued her answer.

“It’s not all, love is when you and I fight and you always want to talk it out until we cleared out everything, love is when you told me how you feel when I do something wrong or you don’t like, love is when you cry in front of me and not attempting to wipe your tears, love is when I cry and instead of ignoring me, you hug me until I stop crying even though I might be crying because we’re fighting, and you were actually still pissed off at me. Love is when you do what you promised to do, and I appreciate you for it. Love is when you asked me questions knowing that I’m snoozing off and you are okay with not getting an answer right away.” She winked at him, making him throw his head back in laughter.

“Love is all the things you do that annoyed me, and all the things I always do that I know annoyed you while you pretend that you are not.  Love is all the consistent thing you always do and makes me think you are sexy as hell, love is the way you love me and it teaches me how to love you back, love is all the things I mentioned  and at the very center part of it, love is you…”

 

– A part of a reality that have not yet happened.
—- t.b.h.g

 

A Writer’s Mess

In the beginning of time, I wrote for you…

I write and keep writing for you, and somehow in the middle I started writing to you. Heart aching for some responses that I never get. I know I will never get.

My writing for you is selfish in every kind of way possible. It is the littlest insignificant of you that I write about.

And as I continue, I begin to write about the epitome of you. The abstract idea of you that were in my imaginations.

Then reality comes kicking me in the face. The truth hits, I wasn’t writing about you, nor do I write to you anymore, I was writing about what I want you to be. My vivid imaginations of you that I wish so hard to be true.

I began to tear pages of my writings of you… attempting to fix everything, to go back to writing for you.

In the end, I was left in the middle of many torn pages, a writer’s mess, just to realize that I lost myself in the middle of writing about you, and now that every pages have already been torn, I have torn away every piece of me too…

And in the middle of this writer’s mess, there’s no more you, no more me, and worst of all no more us…

—- t.b.h.g

 

An Advise To Myself…

When is the last time you danced on the street when you hear a good music?

When is the last time you exclaim how delicious the food you are eating?

When is the last time you smile to a stranger you pass by on the street, and just greet them and wish them a good day?

When is the last time walk around town and take pictures of them before they changes?

When is the last time you slow down your steps just to breathe and enjoy the sunshine, feel the breeze?

When is the last time you stop just to enjoy the music played by some good street musician?

When is the last time you sat down on the grass, with a book under the tree?

When is the last time you venture alone?

When is the last time you jump into a chance of happiness without thinking?

When is the last time you let time heal you?

When is the last time you let yourself fall in love?

Do it baby, before it’s too late, do it.

Slow down, dance, eat, listen to good music, tap your feet to a good rhythm you listen to on the street, read your favorite book, greet a stranger, venture into the unknown, sleep under the tree.

Let yourself heal and enjoy life again.

and lastly…

fall in love baby… fall in love like you never fall in love before…

—- t.b.h.g