She was awake at 3am in the dawn, nothing strange to her…
Her mind’s full with questions, nothing foreign to her either…
Ever since he left her in the dark rainy night, sleepless night and mind full of questions were her old friends…
She remembered the night she practically begged him to stay, a sharp pain to her heart…
A friend once said, ” Begging for love is the lowest form of loving, because you love and love until you lose yourself.”
The words echoed in her mind, and night after night, she beat herself up for begging.
In all those sleepless nights, she often questioned herself why…
She questioned all the what ifs, and often times find herself confused even more at the end of her thoughts…
And one sleepless night, she finally realized…
He never loved her at all, not even the slightest…
She finally realized…
There’s no “IF”…
Dear My Best Friend,
Congratulations for the upcoming wedding! As I was writing this letter at 3am in the morning, because I can’t sleep being excited that you are getting engaged and married soon, I can’t help being happy, excited and sad at the same time.
You are starting your wedding planning now, and be rest assured that I will be there beside you every step of the way. We will have fun deciding the theme, colours for the wedding, picking out dresses and flowers, arranging the day, maybe you’ll cry along the way because of the stress that you can’t decide on the cake, maybe I’ll be the one who cry seeing how beautiful you are in many wedding dresses that you try on, and cry even harder than your mom the moment we found “the dress”. Don’t worry babe, we will go through it all together I promise, and I promise we will laugh about it in the end during our scheduled teatimes with our children in the future.
The first time I met you at our volunteer work, the only thing that crossed my mind was “I wanna slap this girl” but then you approached me and tell me to stay the night instead of going home and coming back the next day, even though you are sharp-mouthed but I know I was drawn to you and I feel how similar we are in being as real as we possibly can be. That moment I knew, I found someone much more important than any lovers I could find in the future. The only person that I know will stay in my life forever, and now it has been 9 years after that first encounter, and yet it is proven to be true, you are still here in my life, no matter how we fight, how we argue, how we always point out each other mistake bluntly, our friendship stays strong and going stronger throughout the years. Sometimes people can’t handle us, some even worse, they thought we are lesbians. #friendshipsgoals
We are there for each other for the many mistakes we made, for all the heartbreaks and drunk nights after the heartbreaks. Remember the night you scold me after I almost crash the wedding of that ex of mine? The many other times I scold you for crying for some worthless ex of yours? We always says that maybe that’s why we are separated in two cities by God, we are too overprotective of each other, we won’t be able to approve each other’s boyfriend. 9 years of friendship and we are still talking like we don’t mature with time, still do some crazy things, still covering each other’s asses, still doing ‘our crime’ together.
Funny isn’t it? How our friendship works? We are two very different people. You wear sexy clothes, and I wear comfortable one most of the times. You like make up and I don’t like makeup at all. I read all kinds of books and you will only read several that I recommend to you. I write and you don’t. You always have guys falling on their toes, and I am comfortably witnessing all the stupid things that they did just to get your attentions. I like to eat so much and you are the Diet Guru, although it’s always fail because every time we hang out, you somehow order as much food as I am. HAHA!
Hey remember the time we fight that we almost really push each other off, and I was miserable the whole day, and you were mad the whole time, and we just hug it off and cry it off and voila! We are fine again no matter how much we shouted at each other in the morning. Do you remember how we almost got into a fight with your ex in the mall? Well it didn’t happened even though I wished for it so much, because you pull me to leave. I’m still pissed off to this day about it. There’s a lot of many other things that we do to pissed each other off and somehow no matter how annoyed we are with each other, we always come back together and grew stronger out of it.
You are getting married soon, and baby, here I am, happy, excited and sad all at the same time. Happy that after so many heartbreak that we went through together, you finally found your person, someone that you can depend on, someone that you can call “home”, and I know that this person is the one for you, after all the many things we do to be sure of it. HAHA!
Here I am, so excited that I can’t sleep at 3 am in the morning because of the many things that going to happen in your life. You will reach another milestone in your life, and all the fun wedding planning we will be doing in the next few months. Not only that, but I am also excited that even though you are getting married, I know we will still do so many stupid things together, and not only that I know we will pull your hubby-to-be to be a part of those things too. No matter who will we marry, we are still the “dumb and dumber” to each other’s. Doing all the stupid things we always do still no matter how old we are.
And yet I am sad that after you get married, I will need to share you with your husband, but don’t worry babe, I know you will make time for me. 😉
Last but the most important, I write this at 3 am, to wish you the very best, my sister from another set of parents.
I wish you all the wisdom to be a good wife to your husband. I wish you be bestowed with all the grace to go through all the obstacles that you will face in your marriage as you grow with it. I wish you the patience to be the mother of all your children in the future. I wish you a good sense of humour, that you find something worthy to laugh for in everything that happened in the future, be it bad and good.
I wish you the humility to admit your wrongs to your husband and the generosity to forgive him the one mistake he makes and the good memory to remember all the thing he did right instead. I wish you the confidence that you guys love each other and no matter what happened you will have the modesty to go through it all together and grow stronger when you come out of it. And finally I wish you love, so much love that you guys fight for no matter what happened, no matter it is 3 years ahead or later when you guys are white-haired and wrinkled.
Lastly, I wish that both of you are…
Simply, comfortably in love with each other.
The Blue Hair Girl.
It’s almost a month now I’ve been back to Indonesia. Still not believing that I am already back to routines, already back home. Believe me or not, I’ve been looking for ways to go back to the city of lights before even boarding the plane back to Jakarta.
I might or might not find a new love, but that’s another story for another day. Well this post is solely to give you tips and tricks about visiting Paris, if you haven’t check out the first part of these tips & tricks, you can click here to check it out.
I don’t think I will ever expressed enough times how in love I am with this city. The people, the language, the city, and the historical and the vintage feeling it exudes in so many ways. Well, I’m already missing for the weather, missing for the simple “Bonne Journée” from the strangers you met in the laundry, a Parisian lunch, Angelina’s hot chocolate, the dented overused stairs full of history. But here’s a list of things that are useful for traveling to Paris.
- First of all, I must say, GIRLS, PARIS IS ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA. There’s something about the city that always makes me feel good, no matter how down am I, or how heartbroken I am. It is a beautiful city, filled with beautiful people speaking beautiful language.
- When you go for a lunch in Paris, do be patient, all I can concurred from my two months in Paris, eating in restaurant is considered a leisure and they really do take the time to enjoy it. So, learn how to enjoy your meal too. In additional, always read the board that has a writing on it that were usually placed at the entrance. They usually tells you about the specialty of the day, or ‘plat du jour’. Don’t ask for a ‘menu’ if you want to look at the menu card, because in France, “menu” or “formulae” means a set meal. Ask for “la carte”, and they will simply bring you the menu card. Another simple tricks for a good French Bistro, look how many seniors citizens who are eating at the bistro, the more are they means you are in for a treat. (Disclaimer: this is a tip from a local friend of mine, as to how true it is, I’m not responsible, but if it counts, it has been working for me for the two months I am in France)
- “L’Addition” is french for checks or bills, and always add “s’il vous plait” which means “please”everytime you ask for something. When you ask for help always say Monsieur or Madame, don’t call them garcon or porteur because it is considered impolite, instead use sir or madam. 🙂
- I wouldn’t considered Paris to be a good destination if you are traveling with a baby, unless you are aiming to go to the Disneyland, but all the rest of it is more suited for lovers or couples in my opinions.
- Have picnic in the park when you are there. A good sandwich, a good book, a glass of wine or any drinks that you prefer. A leisure time under a tree will never go wrong. LIKE SERIOUSLY! Psst, check the weather though, that’s the only thing that could go wrong.
- Go for dates, if you are single. A glass of wine in the terrace or even dinner maybe, is always a good idea to get to know someone new. Be open to all the possibilities. You really never know… 😉
- Always greet back to the salesperson if you enjoy shopping in Paris, it’s part of the experience to let them know what you are looking for.
- Dress sensibly. Paris is the fashion capital, yes, but that doesn’t mean you will see what you see in the runway in the middle of the streets of Paris. So dress sensibly, don’t over exaggerate or dress to the extreme, dressing well to the occasion and the weather is always a preference there. Please do keep yourself warm in the winter though.
- Go for a walk in Paris during the day and the night. It’s two different experience. Paris by day and Paris by night is as equally beautiful.
- It is in my personal opinion, a must for everyone to go to the summit of Eiffel Tower for once in their life. To experience such a magnanimous experience is beyond expressible by any words. You will realised that you are just a simple human being, and it put everything into differents perspective. Well at least they do for me.
- Another small tip from me, go to the local perfumery. It is seldom to see perfume if you are looking for it in the counter. The mainstreams brands sometimes just provide you with two options, eau du parfum and eau de toilette. They have local brand like Fragonard that sells perfume that smell wonderful and last for a whole day.
- Always check the closing hours of the famous places you want to visit, and plan your itinerary beforehand. But don’t get too caught up with it, remember you are in Paris, go with the flow.
- Go for Angelina’s hot chocolate. It will be the best hot chocolate you’ll ever have in Paris. It’s around 8 euros, and you can share it, because it is thick, almost bordering on chocolate sauce kind of thick.
Well, I think that’s all the tips & tricks I can give you all. Drop me an email if you want to know more or ask on specific thing. I hope you guys have fun in Paris when you decide to go for adventure there, and I hope these tips & tricks are going to be useful for you guys.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to go back there, who knows maybe I’ll move there for good. But till then, I will be
Simply, comfortably in love with Paris…
The Blue Hair Girl
I’m learning to love the sound of my own foot steps, walking away from the things that doesn’t make me happy with my life.
Here I am, content and happy, regardless of whether you will come back to my life.
#throwback to a fun time with my #ParisienGirls @inapina94, @mia_shingler at #centrepompidou, #paris
#vscocam #lumix #panasonic #europetrip #bluehairfoodie #wanderlust #wanderlusttrip #paristrip2017 #travelphotography #girl #travel #thediscoverer #museum #parisbyday #tumblrphotography #tumblr #tumblrgirl
View on Path
“What is love?” he asked, snuggled with her in the corner of the dark grey sofa, while one of the episode of their favourite TV shows are on the screen of their plasma TV. No one is paying attention to the TV, she was snoozing off after a tiring day, and he was enjoying the feeling of her body cuddled up to his chest. The orange flame is dancing in the other corner, the smell of burning cedar wood filled the air that cold autumn night. Pumpkin spice aroma soon replaced the cedar when they heard the loud sound the oven made.
She jumped out of the comfort of the snuggles, much to her reluctance, and rush to the kitchen, slowly pulling out the round pumpkin pie from the oven while blowing air from her mouth as if it’s going to cool down the pastry she held in her hands. He slowly approach her, whose standing at the kitchen counter.
“Earth to you baby!” he hug her from behind, while whispering naughtily in her right ear.
She giggled asking to be spared, which he happily obliged while pretending to be reluctant. The mood have gotten heavier, the air suddenly feel like it has drop a few degrees even though they are standing near the still-heated oven which are in the process of cooling down.
“What is love?” he repeated the question.
She smiled her serene smile, and think to herself while she was enveloped in his arms, warmed and loved.
“This is love.” She answered while waving her hands in the air. “You, pumpkin pie, me, in our home, warmed and comfy, as simple and as complicated as that.”
She paused and smile while he was looking at her, unconvinced.
“Love is the everyday morning kiss you gave me to wake me up, love is the movie night date every Thursday, love is the way you hug me and kiss my forehead every single time you come home and find me in the kitchen, love is the way I annoyed you when you work too much and forget to cuddle me, love is when you are annoyed that I put too much spice in my food and you can’t steal a bite from mine.”
He was laughing at her answers, but she continued her answer.
“It’s not all, love is when you and I fight and you always want to talk it out until we cleared out everything, love is when you told me how you feel when I do something wrong or you don’t like, love is when you cry in front of me and not attempting to wipe your tears, love is when I cry and instead of ignoring me, you hug me until I stop crying even though I might be crying because we’re fighting, and you were actually still pissed off at me. Love is when you do what you promised to do, and I appreciate you for it. Love is when you asked me questions knowing that I’m snoozing off and you are okay with not getting an answer right away.” She winked at him, making him throw his head back in laughter.
“Love is all the things you do that annoyed me, and all the things I always do that I know annoyed you while you pretend that you are not. Love is all the consistent thing you always do and makes me think you are sexy as hell, love is the way you love me and it teaches me how to love you back, love is all the things I mentioned and at the very center part of it, love is you…”
– A part of a reality that have not yet happened.
In the beginning of time, I wrote for you…
I write and keep writing for you, and somehow in the middle I started writing to you. Heart aching for some responses that I never get. I know I will never get.
My writing for you is selfish in every kind of way possible. It is the littlest insignificant of you that I write about.
And as I continue, I begin to write about the epitome of you. The abstract idea of you that were in my imaginations.
Then reality comes kicking me in the face. The truth hits, I wasn’t writing about you, nor do I write to you anymore, I was writing about what I want you to be. My vivid imaginations of you that I wish so hard to be true.
I began to tear pages of my writings of you… attempting to fix everything, to go back to writing for you.
In the end, I was left in the middle of many torn pages, a writer’s mess, just to realize that I lost myself in the middle of writing about you, and now that every pages have already been torn, I have torn away every piece of me too…
And in the middle of this writer’s mess, there’s no more you, no more me, and worst of all no more us…
To the young boy I have a crushed during my childhood, thank you…
Thank you for being my childhood memories, thank you for teaching me that sometimes love is really that naive. I’m sorry that I mistook what I felt about you as true love, now I know it’s just a mere crush.
To the first boy that hold my hand, thank you…
Thank you for teaching me that physical touch is just a mere physical touch sometimes, nothing more than that. I’m sorry that I thought my feelings is enough to hold on to you, now I know that it’s not that simple.
To the first guy that I introduced to my parents, thank you…
Thank you for being the first guy that let me know what I want in life and what I want in relationship. I’m sorry that you aren’t any of those things that I want.
To the guy I have spent a whole year worth of time to meet for the first time, thank you…
Thank you for being the cruelest person I’ve known in my whole life, leading me blindly, making me believe that you are in love with me but have no desire to fight for what could be. I’m sorry that I make you choose it’s all or nothing, because I’m not gonna settle for less than ‘All’
To the guys who said they want me, thank you…
Thank you for telling me that, but no, thank you. I’m sorry that I choose to be alone rather than be wanted for a night and be treated like shit the rest of the time.
To all the boys I thought I’ve loved, thank you…
Thank you for showing me that love is not as simple as what people says. For that now I know what I want in love and in life, and I guess all I want to say is that…
I’m sorry I was not a strong enough girl to know what I want.
I’m sorry I was not a weak enough girl to bow down to all your wants.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to tell you how I’m feeling.
I’m sorry that I want more than what you had to offer.
But mostly I’m sorry that after all the sorrys I’ve said and written, what I’m sorry the most is the fact that after everything, I’m not sorry at all… not for my decisions to leave you guys behind in the past. For I know, I shouldn’t settle for a mediocre love.
So, while waiting for my future to come, here I will be…
Simply, comfortably in love…
The Blue Hair Girl