Everything I’ve Learned About Loving Someone…

“What is love?” he asked, snuggled with her in the corner of the dark grey sofa, while one of the episode of their favourite TV shows are on the screen of their plasma TV. No one is paying attention to the TV, she was snoozing off after a tiring day, and he was enjoying the feeling of her body cuddled up to his chest. The orange flame is dancing in the other corner, the smell of burning cedar wood filled the air that cold autumn night. Pumpkin spice aroma soon replaced the cedar when they heard the loud sound the oven made.

She jumped out of the comfort of the snuggles, much to her reluctance, and rush to the kitchen, slowly pulling out the round pumpkin pie from the oven while blowing air from her mouth as if it’s going to cool down the pastry she held in her hands. He slowly approach her, whose standing at the kitchen counter.

“Earth to you baby!” he hug her from behind, while whispering naughtily in her right ear.

She giggled asking to be spared, which he happily obliged while pretending to be reluctant. The mood have gotten heavier, the air suddenly feel like it has drop a few degrees even though they are standing near the still-heated oven which are in the process of cooling down.

“What is love?” he repeated the question.

She smiled her serene smile, and think to herself while she was enveloped in his arms, warmed and loved.

“This is love.” She answered while waving her hands in the air. “You, pumpkin pie, me, in our home, warmed and comfy, as simple and as complicated as that.”

She paused and smile while he was looking at her, unconvinced.

“Love is the everyday morning kiss you gave me to wake me up, love is the movie night date every Thursday, love is the way you hug me and kiss my forehead every single time you come home and find me in the kitchen, love is the way I annoyed you when you work too much and forget to cuddle me, love is when you are annoyed that I put too much spice in my food and you can’t steal a bite from mine.”

He was laughing at her answers, but she continued her answer.

“It’s not all, love is when you and I fight and you always want to talk it out until we cleared out everything, love is when you told me how you feel when I do something wrong or you don’t like, love is when you cry in front of me and not attempting to wipe your tears, love is when I cry and instead of ignoring me, you hug me until I stop crying even though I might be crying because we’re fighting, and you were actually still pissed off at me. Love is when you do what you promised to do, and I appreciate you for it. Love is when you asked me questions knowing that I’m snoozing off and you are okay with not getting an answer right away.” She winked at him, making him throw his head back in laughter.

“Love is all the things you do that annoyed me, and all the things I always do that I know annoyed you while you pretend that you are not.  Love is all the consistent thing you always do and makes me think you are sexy as hell, love is the way you love me and it teaches me how to love you back, love is all the things I mentioned  and at the very center part of it, love is you…”

 

– A part of a reality that have not yet happened.
—- t.b.h.g

 

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A Writer’s Mess

In the beginning of time, I wrote for you…

I write and keep writing for you, and somehow in the middle I started writing to you. Heart aching for some responses that I never get. I know I will never get.

My writing for you is selfish in every kind of way possible. It is the littlest insignificant of you that I write about.

And as I continue, I begin to write about the epitome of you. The abstract idea of you that were in my imaginations.

Then reality comes kicking me in the face. The truth hits, I wasn’t writing about you, nor do I write to you anymore, I was writing about what I want you to be. My vivid imaginations of you that I wish so hard to be true.

I began to tear pages of my writings of you… attempting to fix everything, to go back to writing for you.

In the end, I was left in the middle of many torn pages, a writer’s mess, just to realize that I lost myself in the middle of writing about you, and now that every pages have already been torn, I have torn away every piece of me too…

And in the middle of this writer’s mess, there’s no more you, no more me, and worst of all no more us…

—- t.b.h.g

 

To All The Boys I Thought I Loved…

To the young boy I have a crushed during my childhood, thank you…

Thank you for being my childhood memories, thank you for teaching me that sometimes love is really that naive. I’m sorry that I mistook what I felt about you as true love, now I know it’s just a mere crush.

To the first boy that hold my hand, thank you…

Thank you for teaching me that physical touch is just a mere physical touch sometimes, nothing more than that. I’m sorry that I thought my feelings is enough to hold on to you, now I know that it’s not that simple.

To the first guy that I introduced to my parents, thank you…

Thank you for being the first guy that let me know what I want in life and what I want in relationship. I’m sorry that you aren’t any of those things that I want.

To the guy I have spent a whole year worth of time to meet for the first time, thank you…

Thank you for being the cruelest person I’ve known in my whole life, leading me blindly, making me believe that you are in love with me but have no desire to fight for what could be. I’m sorry that I make you choose it’s all or nothing, because I’m not gonna settle for less than ‘All’ 

To the guys who said they want me, thank you…

Thank you for telling me that, but no, thank you. I’m sorry that I choose to be alone rather than be wanted for a night and be treated like shit the rest of the time. 

To all the boys I thought I’ve loved, thank you…

Thank you for showing me that love is not as simple as what people says. For that now I know what I want in love and in life, and I guess all I want to say is that…

I’m sorry I was not a strong enough girl to know what I want.

I’m sorry I was not a weak enough girl to bow down to all your wants.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to tell you how I’m feeling. 

I’m sorry that I want more than what you had to offer.

But mostly I’m sorry that after all the sorrys I’ve said and written, what I’m sorry the most is the fact that after everything, I’m not sorry at all… not for my decisions to leave you guys behind in the past. For I know, I shouldn’t settle for a mediocre love. 

So, while waiting for my future to come, here I will be…

Simply, comfortably in love… 
The Blue Hair Girl

 

Strangers After Today…

You were a stranger before yesterday…

And you’ll be stranger after today…

A memory to keep… A name to vaguely remember…

A feeling of unfamiliarity every single time someone mentioned you or your name… 

There’s someone who turn into a stranger like this before you… 

And there will be another in the future… 

Just two stranger sharing a table and two separate cups of the worst coffee in town… 

And maybe when I totally forgot about you in the future… 

When we are back to being a total stranger, we will do this again in another coffee shop, in another town, another part of the earth, in another period of time, in another lifetime… 

—- t.b.h.g

An Advise To Myself…

When is the last time you danced on the street when you hear a good music?

When is the last time you exclaim how delicious the food you are eating?

When is the last time you smile to a stranger you pass by on the street, and just greet them and wish them a good day?

When is the last time walk around town and take pictures of them before they changes?

When is the last time you slow down your steps just to breathe and enjoy the sunshine, feel the breeze?

When is the last time you stop just to enjoy the music played by some good street musician?

When is the last time you sat down on the grass, with a book under the tree?

When is the last time you venture alone?

When is the last time you jump into a chance of happiness without thinking?

When is the last time you let time heal you?

When is the last time you let yourself fall in love?

Do it baby, before it’s too late, do it.

Slow down, dance, eat, listen to good music, tap your feet to a good rhythm you listen to on the street, read your favorite book, greet a stranger, venture into the unknown, sleep under the tree.

Let yourself heal and enjoy life again.

and lastly…

fall in love baby… fall in love like you never fall in love before…

—- t.b.h.g

How I wish I never known you…

never open up to you… 

never lay my heart bare to you…
So when you hurt me, you wouldn’t know how I react…

Wouldn’t know even the slightest…

That my heart is in pieces now… 

And they keep echoing the one question I want an answer to…

‘Why wouldn’t you take the risk and gave yourself a chance of happiness?’ 
—- t.b.h.g 

Empty Cigarettes Box

365 days, I waited to meet you… 

365 days, all I get is ‘I love you, but I’m sorry’ 

And all I have left of you is the empty cigarettes box, of your favourite brand and a few pictures of us… the last time we are together… 

365 days, and I need to let you go… 

365 days… 
—-t.b.h.g